Becoming a Surrogate for Someone Else
Can I Be My Mom’s Surrogate?
It’s easy to understand why someone might want to be a surrogate grandmother or a surrogate for their parents. However, this decision requires careful thought and planning. In this article, we’ll talk about how:
- Being a surrogate grandmother or surrogate for your parent is both rewarding and fulfilling. But it does come with certain emotional risks.
- Not everyone can become a surrogate, and you will need to meet the requirements of your agency.
- No matter who you choose to become a surrogate for, you should always work with an agency.
Like with any other type of surrogacy, the best place to start is with the help of a great agency. If you’re ready to learn more about a mother being a surrogate for her daughter (or vice versa), keep reading.
Can a Mother be a Surrogate for Her Daughter?
When you’re a mother, you want to do everything you can to help your child. If your son or daughter have had their lives forever changed by infertility, it can be heartbreaking to watch them go through it. You might start to ask yourself, “Is there anything more I can do to help?”
Yes, actually. For women like you, you might consider becoming a surrogate grandmother.
Some women choose to think of becoming a surrogate like babysitting. You’ll be able to carry your grandchild in a safe, secure womb until they are born full-term. Because you’ll be doing gestational surrogacy, you won’t be the biological mother of your grandchild. He or she will be born from an embryo created by your child’s and their spouse’s (or donor’s) DNA.
But even potential surrogate grandmothers need to evaluate whether this process is really right for them. If you’re thinking of giving your son or daughter the greatest gift there is, start by asking yourself:
- Am I young enough to be surrogate? Age requirements differ at every surrogacy agency and clinic. But generally, professionals require prospective surrogates to be 41 years old or younger. Due to the risks of menopause, older women are typically disqualified from the process. The changes to the uterus and hormone levels make it much harder for a surrogacy pregnancy to happen.
- Am I ready for how this will change my relationship with my child? No matter how close you are with your child, there are some emotional risks that come with carrying your own grandchild. When your child is the intended parent, whatever they say goes, and you’ll have to get used to following their instructions. If you’re not comfortable with taking a step back, then you may need to reevaluate your readiness to be a surrogate grandmother.
- Am I physically ready to be a surrogate? Becoming a surrogate is about more than just your emotional readiness. During the screening process, your surrogacy agency is also checking to make sure that you’re physically ready for pregnancy and childbirth.
Becoming a surrogate grandmother can be a great experience. But if you’re not sure if it’s right for you, it never hurts to reach out to a surrogacy specialist to get their opinion and make sure you meet all the requirements.
Can I Be a Surrogate for My Parents?
As long as both parties meet the requirements, it is possible to become a surrogate for your parents. Women who ask, “Can I be my mom’s surrogate?” usually have mothers who are young who may be facing infertility struggles later in life. She may have even remarried and wants to have a child with her new partner and wants to raise a child again. Before you say yes to your mom, you should ask yourself a few questions:
- Will your mother use her own eggs in this process? You should not use your own eggs if you’re considering being a surrogate for your mother. Traditional surrogacy can get emotionally messy and is not worth the risks.
- Do you meet the requirements to be a surrogate? Not everyone can become a surrogate. When you contact an agency asking, “Can I be my mom’s surrogate?”, go over their list of requirements to make sure you meet the criteria.
- Can you emotionally handle being a surrogate for your mom? When you decide to become a surrogate for your mom, you’re basically carrying your own sibling. This journey will impact you and your entire family, so think carefully before you say yes to your mom.
What if I Decide Not to Be a Surrogate for a Family Member? [Reevaluating Your Options]
Surrogacy with a family member isn’t right for everyone — and that’s okay. Navigating this new type of relationship with your parent or as a surrogate grandmother can be tricky, and not everyone is ready for how complicated it can get.
For Codi, one of the hardest parts of being a surrogate was the weight of responsibility she dealt with:
“I found myself worrying about things I didn’t worry about with my own son. That was the hardest part; by the end of the journey, I was very much ready to not be responsible for somebody else’s joy and prized possession.”
With so much at stake, the weight of responsibility can be even heavier for potential surrogate grandmothers and children. But no matter what your reasons for declining your parent or child’s request to become a surrogate, just know that you’ve still got options. If you contact a surrogacy agency, a specialist can connect you to tons of hopeful intended parents who would be over the moon about getting to know you. You may even walk away with a new relationship that’s just as close as family!
Megan, a surrogate, had such a great experience with her intended parents that she can’t imagine anyone else taking their place:
“I don’t know if anyone could top Lindsey and Shiloh. I hold them on such a high pedestal that I don’t know if I could ever get the same family again. I have such a wonderful relationship with them that I would want that again.”
What Happens Next?
Surrogacy with a family member can get complicated. Whether you have questions about being a mother surrogate for your daughter or if you’d like to learn more about finding new intended parents, we can help. Please fill out our contact form to speak with a specialist.
Ready to get started? Contact an adoption agency now to get free information.